An Ideal Man... in philadelphia

What is an ideal man? As a woman, I naturally approach this question of what makes a man ideal in relationship to myself as a woman. I am not questioning what makes a man outwardly attractive or what makes a man appeal to the female senses, but rather, what is the essence of an Ideal Man. What is it that makes him truly ideal? Please join me in this journey to discover the best of manhood, what makes a man truly great. The illustrations are of men I found in Philadelphia, my favorite city. Somehow, when looking for ideals, Philadelphia is a good place to start. It was, after all, the place where the ideals of our Founding Fathers began.

When it comes down to how women want men to behave, opinions vary widely. Perhaps some women would agree with Mrs. Allonby in Oscar Wilde’s satirical play A Woman of No Importance:

“Oh, the Ideal Man should talk to us as if we were goddesses, and treat us as if we were children. He should refuse all our serious requests, and gratify every one of our whims. He should encourage us to have caprices, and forbid us to have missions. He should always say much more than he means, and always mean much more than he says.”

Lady Caroline, of the same play, summarizes this thought: “As far as I can see, he is to do nothing but pay bills and compliments.”

This is not the true description of an Ideal Man; it is the picture of a man who is a mere plaything to the women in his life. He is there merely for their vanity and conceited whims. This man worships woman, at the same time as he regards her as inferior.

There is a new representation of the Ideal Man in more recent culture. This man is, in fact, a vampire, and his name is Edward Cullen. With the surge of popularity that the Twilight series has provoked, young girls are now on a quest to find their Ideal Vamp – excuse me, I mean Ideal Man. To them, he is tall, dark, and handsome with mysterious, shadowy eyes. He is a reformed monster, like Mr. Rochester in Jane Eyre. He is utterly devoted to the love of his life, Bella, risking his life for her. He virtually worships the ground she walks upon, and he is as a god to her. Good, right? Wrong. Edward Cullen is no man. He is not real. An Ideal Man is not one to be worshiped.

So what is an Ideal Man anyways? An Ideal Man is considered a man of honor – an honorable man. But his facets are many... an Ideal Man is:

The Ideal Man is a man of ideals. An ideal is a goal; it is something that a man strives for. The Ideal Man has the vision of something perfect, something noble and good, that he must work towards. He is not idle, playing video games in his parents’ basement. He has vision, and he is working for that vision.

The Ideal Man does not lack courage. He is man unafraid of consequences, as long as he knows that what he is doing is right. Bravery is something he highly esteems. This does not mean that he is never afraid, but that he faces his fears.

Men of goodness are indeed hard to find, and yet the Ideal Man is incomplete without this quality. He puts righteousness on as breastplate (Ephesians 6:14) to protect him from the wickedness of the world. Indeed, he hates wickedness in his very core and seeks always to act, think, and speak what is good. Of course, no man is perfect, no man will shine like purest gold, yet an Ideal Man will make it his mission to seek after that which is good.

The Ideal Man holds himself with dignity. He does not fall into beggarly habits when he is low, and he does not rise to arrogance when he is high. He is constant all his days. The Ideal Man stands as one to be respected. This dignity is revealed in his speech and countenance.

Although the Ideal Man retains dignity in his bearing and actions, he also holds close to his heart a true sense of humility. He does not esteem himself as better than his fellow human beings. He knows the flaws and faults of his character and seeks to be rid of them.

A pure man is even harder to find than a good man these days. The Ideal Man keeps his heart, his mind, his very being, pure. He is not given to impure thoughts; he does not look on pictures of impurity; he does not live an impure lifestyle. To him, his mind is easily tainted by the ways of the world, and therefore he keeps his thoughts focused on that which is pure.

The Ideal Man is strong, and I don’t mean physically (though that surely wouldn’t hurt). He is strong in what he believes; he is strong in his ideals, his goodness, etc. He is one that stands up for what is right, and yet is always ready to correct himself if he finds that he is wrong. He is strong where those are weak; he lifts up the oppressed, the outcast. He is the strong leader and provider of his family.

The Ideal Man seeks after Wisdom as after precious stones and makes her his constant companion. The wisdom that he seeks is not the wisdom of the world; it is the wisdom of the Word. Though worldly men may speak the foolish wisdom of their own hearts, the Ideal Man stores up inside him the wisdom that is not his own.

The Ideal Man has what everyone calls “common sense.” He does not follow the herd as they jump off the cliff to their deaths. He rather uses the mind God gave him to make smart, thoughtful decisions. He is not rash. He is not easily led. He does not waver with the trends of the day. He uses his head, when others use their whims.

The Ideal Man is a gentleman. I would never expect the Ideal Man to read Emily Post’s Etiquette and obey every rule of manners to the utmost: that would be more than ridiculous. The Ideal Man has manners that come from the gentleness of his heart. These are the manners that concern themselves with more than which spoon is prescribed for which course. The Ideal Man treats women with respect, children with courtesy, and other men with esteem.

The Ideal Man would be rather dull if he did not have a sense of humor. His humor is, of course, in the best taste. His sense of humor tempers his personality and lifts him out of the pit of mediocrity.

The Ideal Man is honest with himself and others. He does not hide who he is from the world, especially from his loved ones. He is discreetly open about himself and does not attempt to put on a façade of perfection. The words that he speaks are carefully weighed and measured before he speaks them. Truth is his only language.

The Ideal Man does not find it necessary to relieve his passions with vulgar language. The words that come from his lips are pure and good and inoffensive. His speech is the direct result of what lies in his heart. If a man has a good heart, he will speak good words.

Unpopular a concept as it may be, a truly Ideal Man is one who has faith in God. His supreme alliance lies with his Creator, his Lord, his Savior. The Ideal Man seeks to please God in his life. He looks to His Word for guidance. He is unashamed to be a man of prayer. He loves others, because he has been loved first. He would die for his faith in Jesus Christ.

"Likewise urge the young men to be sensible; in all things show yourself to be an example of good deeds, with purity in doctrine, dignified, sound in speech which is beyond reproach, so that the opponent will be put to shame, having nothing bad to say about us." ~ Titus 2:6-8